I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
