Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
