I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
