I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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