my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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