I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
honey bunches of taint.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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