would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
