i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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