even my farts smell like vagina
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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