some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
