Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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