Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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