dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
