dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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