We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
