Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
