I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
