after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
