Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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