Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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