I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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