the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
