Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
