So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
