remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
