She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
