There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
