Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
