Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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