Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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