our cab driver is having phone sex.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
