Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
