just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
