No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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