it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
