She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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