you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
