this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
