i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
