Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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