Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
