i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You ruined the universe
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
