drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
