dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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