Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
