I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
