it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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