He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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