just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
