suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
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You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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