I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
