Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
