Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
