i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
